And Now The Final Frame…, Cont.

A CHRONICLE OF ONE MAN'S DIVORCE
Phew, feeling much better today. I'd forgotten how therapeutic writing can be. That and a good sob session. Yeah, I cried last night. It was a long time coming and I'm fucking relieved I got it out of my system. For months now, I've had moments when I could feel tears well up, then recede. Like that feeling you get when you're about to sneeze but can't. It's irritating as hell and leaves you craving the actual event. Last night I finally fucking sneezed.

And it felt good. And shitty. But mostly good. I realized last night that there's something deliciously perverse about sobbing. You do it (usually) because you're feeling sadness or grief and, sure, those feelings linger for a while throughout. But at the same time, the actual action of sobbing feels physically good, primally satisfying, pleasurable. I almost didn't want it to pass. But pass it did, and consequently, I'm feeling much better today. Still, I'm thinking of some things that didn't get explored last night.

Like the Cascading Effect.

I've developed this theory that when a relationship is near its end, there is a dovetailing of events that happen with increasing frequency and frustration and spiral faster and faster downwards until crashing. It reminds me of the dying process of an elderly person, who suddenly starts exhibiting one illness after the other until the body is overwhelmed. Any one thing (diabetes, heart issues) might be beatable, but collectively, it's too much and the body succumbs. In the case of marriage, its miscommunications, misunderstandings, angry words, missed timing, etc., etc, things that tend to reflect and amplify the issues that were prominent in the relationship. And it's feels like you're powerless to break the pattern, like you can't do anything right.

Once I recognized it, I began seeing the humor in it. I mean, when one thing after another keeps going wrong, sometimes you just have to laugh at the absurdity of the situation and roll with it.

Then, I could almost see a bright line—like guiding lights on a runway or a AAA Triptik (yeesh, never mind dating other people, I just dated myself)—from each one of these moments to every problem or fight or challenge we ever had, especially recent ones. It's as if, suddenly, years of marriage are reduced to an object lesson in everything a) inherently problematic with the relationship, and b) I did that contributed to its downfall. Each moment becomes a case in point of why it couldn't have worked, why it was doomed from the beginning (if only we could have seen it). Or a chance to examine just how badly you fucked up in that moment and if only you'd done X, Y, or Z, things would be different now.

It's crazy-making, sure, and of course only part of the truth, but there it is. Until it isn't.

***********

So, today's a new day and a beautiful one. Not feeling the grief or elation or anticipation or dread of the past several weeks, just a calm centeredness. And for now, that's just perfect.

And Now The Final Frame…

A CHRONICLE OF ONE MAN'S DIVORCE
No one tells you how grueling, how eviscerating, it's going to be. Not that it would help to have any warning. It couldn't capture the feeling and wouldn't deter most of us anyway. Because when a marriage is dying the course of action feels inevitable.


Still, even in its death throes we cling. We break out the paddles, rub on the gel, yell clear, and—buh-bam—shock the torso over and over and over, searching frantically for signs of life. Mouth to mouth, check. Shot of adrenaline, check. Beg, bargain, plead, check.


Sometimes, I suppose, for some couples, the measures work. Too often they don't.

Self Professed, Profound
Life since the split has been…disorienting. I didn't feel it deeply at first. We framed it as a trial thing and it was good to be doing something—anything—different. Apparently, she grieved a lot at first. That I didn't just underscored one of the bigger issues in our marriage: pacing.

Anyway, while I was hanging out in limbo, she began moving on. Looking back, I suppose I was in denial, but it felt then like a much-needed vacation that we could possibly return from refreshed and renewed. In reality, we were just continuing our drift apart. No—in reality, I was continuing my drift. She'd picked up her oars and started rowing.

Now, I say limbo, but it actually felt different than the word suggests. Life felt big again. My horizons seemed limitless and enticing. I was working out more than ever. Started doing yoga again. I was getting more work and doing better work than ever. I felt like I had in my 20s, minus the angst. I was actually reveling in my perhaps-temporary bachelorhood. I was sad that we were apart, but it was tempered by newfound mental health and a sense of liberation.

Till The Chips Were Down
I felt my first wave of grief when she talked about moving away. I wasn't surprised by her discussion of the move. Moving had been in consideration for a year at least. Still, it hit me hard. Made our split more real.

Honestly, the grief was welcome. I was beginning to think that I was callous and shallow and that the marriage hadn't meant anything to me. (Of course, it did, but the mind can be a vicious bastard.) Still, I was wary of it. After years of therapy, initiation ceremonies, anti-depressants, a wilderness fast, and medicine ceremonies, I've attained the mental health mentioned above and I was wary of losing the ground I'd achieved. I was afraid of spiraling downward into depression.

Which, thankfully, didn't happen. The grief passed in a couple of days, I continued pouring myself into work, and we continued our near-daily check in calls.

A Losing Hand
Until one night, maybe a month into the separation, she called to tell me she'd started seeing someone. It's funny, I knew by the tone of her voice before the words ever came out of her mouth. (Now, I start reading her well?!) All I could do was smile. I had the strangest feeling of relief, followed by laughter, only then followed by shock. I happened to be in Safeway and walked around the store mindlessly with a carton of chocolate milk, my latest guilty pleasure. (Eventually I set it down on a random shelf—it took me ten minutes to track it down.) Once we got off the phone and the shock started to subside, I called a friend and went out for drinks.

I wasn't angry. I wasn't even that surprised. But I was stunned. I mean, I knew the day was coming. Hell, just the day before I thought to myself, "I know she's going to hook up before I do. That's going to be tough, but part of the process. Wonder when it'll happen." All while thinking it was going to happen in a couple of months or more. Once it sunk in, though, all I could think was now?!? Little more than a month after our separation? Fuck.

**********

Not long after that I spent the night with a good friend. It was a sweet night and I thought just what I needed (and hopefully what she needed, too). But the initial elation gave way to realization that I was still energetically attached to my marriage. (Given everything I've ever believed about love and sex and my relation to the two, this was indescribably painful and loathsome to learn.)

A Fate Resigned
Since then, and after a couple of unbearably awkward interactions with the new guy, the disorientation has accelerated. I've cycled through anger, sadness, brief moments of calm, terrifying fear, bargaining, grief, acceptance.

The week before last was my roughest. One night, in a pit of despair, I wailed in grief, and mentally flailed for someone to relieve my pain. I thought about calling friends. I considered calling her while she was away with her new guy. I considered writing her. Somehow, by the grace of the gods or a momentary lapse of poor judgement, I found the restraint not to. Instead I wrote a song. Its writing offered a surprising succor, though one that was too brief.…

Last weekend, away from town on a journey intended as a fun vacation away from this emotional stew, I spent a sleepless night creating fantasy rom-com scenarios in which we got back together and made it work. My thoughts were tormented, what little sleep I did get was troubled, and my body was wracked from the reality settling in.

Over Futile Odds
And then came another swing. Upon my return to town, I checked in with Facebook to see what was happening. While on, I got an IM from a woman I'd met at an ayahuasca ceremony I'd taken part in in January. She was attractive and we'd had a brief connection and I liked her energy, but it was such an absurd scenario to meet someone in that I just filed it under "brief gift from the universe" and let it go.

Anyway, she IMs me and suggests we grab some food when she's in town this weekend (she lives three hours away). Now, it's not clear to me whether she's talking just having a bite with a cool new friend, or whether she's thinking, date. But I'm saying yes to as much as possible nowadays, so I agree.

Okay, really what happened in my mind was "Goddamn, I just had a grueling two-three weeks, capped by a horrendous night, then followed by a sobering talk with my soon-to-be ex-wife, and here's this stunningly beautiful and sweet woman who's reaching out to spend time with me and, good fucking christ, yes, I'm going to have dinner or lunch or mother fucking crumbs with her." (Where's that eye-roll emoticon, damn it?)

As I said, I couldn't suss out whether she was thinking date or hang out with new friend, but I made a decision to think date and to allow myself to get excited by it. I needed something to shift my energy. And I've played it so safe so often, I just decided it was time to lean into a different stance.

You can see where this is going…

We connected via phone later in the week and made a tentative plan for Fri. night. It was starting to sound more like a date, but idiot that I am, I never got clear with her. (And she wasn't a very clear communicator. Or her style of communication is so different from mine I couldn't grok what might have been clear to her. Or I'm just plain obtuse.) I figured I'd get a chance to suss it all out over dinner or drinks or something.

Except it never got to that point. I won't go into details, but the night shifted far from my expectations, I ended up way off center, felt extremely vulnerable and like an awkward 13-year-old, and we never really got a chance to connect. We parted ways at 10 pm and I spent the remainder of the night leaning on a very gracious friend. One last try to get together the next morning fell through, too.

And Laughed At By The Gods 
And now for another low. I know that I fucked myself over with the expectations game. I knew the risk when I decided to play it. But I need to do things differently at this stage in my life. I needed to throw myself into the excitement and the anticipation of a possible new connection. And I was thinking, we've already had Ashland's version of the meet-cute, so how could it go wrong?

Whatever. All this shows me is that I'm still in way too vulnerable of a place to be messing with the capriciousness of romantic love. (Again, a loathsome realization.) Which is fine. As it should be I guess. And frankly, I should be thrilled to be free of the meshugenah.

I've resigned myself to a months-long stretch of self-improvement and serious rom-com avoidance.

And I'm left with an endless loop of Amy Winehouse tunes and Dorothy Parker's famous quip coursing through my brain ready for the next thing to come my way: "What fresh hell is this?"

And Watch The Dream Die

Lyrics to the first song I've written in years. Amazing what heartache will do for the creative juices…

And Watch the Dream Die

You're gone for good E

You've made your choice now. A

And if I could A

I'd really love to hear your voice now. E

And even though you're miles away E

I feel you like you're next to me A

But I know that's illusion A

I know you've set me free B  

Still I don't want to say goodbye B    

And watch the dream die E

We took a mighty chance E

We took a fearsome risk A

It shouldn't surprise me now A

that it would come to this. E

But I thought that we'd do better E

I thought that we'd appeased the gods A

I really didn't see the hubris A

in thinking that we'd beat the odds. E  

And I've got nothing to offer 

you haven't seen before

and you're not interested 

in that stuff anymore

Yet I'd give it all to you

if I thought you'd return

If I thought that you'd be happy

If I thought that I could learn

But I don't want to say goodbye B

And watch the dream die  E

bridge

It's not late to hesitate, to turn around G

We could push through, we could undo what brought us down C

Just take my hand, repair this band that's torn apart G

F We'll find our way back, end up in C each other's heart  G  E

Yeah, I know better than that

to want to have you back

You've found a new one now

you've head on down the track

We are now a memory 

A broken story line

A piece of history

An old, discarded sign

Still, I don't want to say goodbye 

And watch the dream die

No, I don't want to say goodbye 

And watch the dream die

But I know it's time to say goodbye 

And watch the dream die

Christ, I'm Fucked

Marriage is harrowing, divorce grueling, dating terrifying, and being single bleak. Shit.

Poem Of The Day

Inward Bound Poetry: 22. FROM THE JOURNALS OF THE FROG PRINCE - Susan Mitchell

Crazy 'Bout A Mercury

Bring on the retrograde:

Yes, Mercury Is in Retrograde. So What?
Perhaps you’ve noticed that things have gone a bit screwy the past couple of weeks.

Traffic jams materialize out of nowhere. Your luggage makes an unscheduled stop in Sumatra. The computer eats your dissertation. Your favorite political party loses control of both houses of Congress.

If you have friends who follow the stars, they may have had a ready explanation for you: the planet Mercury is in retrograde.

AnnieMac's Music Blog

Annie's finally got a proper blog, AnnieMac's Music. Go check it out.

A Flood Of Idiocy

Reading the wack-jobs so you don't have to. This, from the Baptist Press:

'Gay marriage' in Iowa more damaging than a 500-year flood
The Flood of 2008 is arguably the most destructive disaster that the state of Iowa has seen -- at least, that is, until last Friday.

On April 3, the Iowa Supreme Court unanimously ruled that a state law limiting marriage to one man and one woman violates the equal protection clause of the Iowa Constitution. Licenses will be issued to homosexual couples April 27.

It is not hyperbole to say that this ruling has the potential to be the worst disaster to strike the state of Iowa.
…
Flood waters erode the soil. "Gay marriage" erodes the soul. A flood impacts for a decade. "Same-sex marriage" destroys generations. A flood draws a community together. "Homosexual marriage" tears the family apart. Communities recover from floods. The promotion of un-natural unions has an eternal consequence.
…
Legalized "homosexual marriage" is not the only way that marriage is attacked and dishonored.

Marriage is attacked when church members go undisciplined for fornication and adultery. Marriage is dishonored through abusive husbands and disrespectful wives, through the use of Internet pornography and the reading of smutty novels.
…
Government is established by God to approve of what is good. [That would be news to the founding fathers, no? —ed] I do hope and pray that our state's constitution is amended to define marriage as the union of one man and one woman. I've encouraged my legislators to pursue it.

A Gathering Storm Of BS

This is rich. In response to the recent batch of gay marriage victories, some silly anti-gay marriage group (National Organization for Marriage, formed by National Review's lovely Maggie Gallagher) puts out this cheesy-ass video:

As you can imagine, it's full of lies and distortions of the truth. Hell, they couldn't even find real people for the vid, deciding instead to use actors:

HRC responds with its own cheesy video:

Now, it's become clearer and clearer to mainstream America what us gay-lovin' folk have seen for years: GM foes simply don't have a rational, reasonable argument in their arsenal. Their arguments against GM have been aired and distilled down to two basic pieces: religious doctrine and/or personal ick factor (or bigotry, if you prefer)—the rest simply don't stand up under scrutiny.

All they've got left is fear-mongering lies.

Waters Of March

Lisa Hannigan and Damien Rice perform two of my favorite bossa nova songs, "Desafinado" and "Aguas de Marco."

The two of them collaborated on some achingly gorgeous songs (like this and this) from 2001 to 2007, when they stopped working together, their relationship reportedly having "run its creative course."

Too bad…they were good together.

Drip, Drip, Drip...

Bit by bit, sanity is popping up across the country.

Albany Reaches Deal to Repeal ’70s Drug Laws

By JEREMY W. PETERS
ALBANY — Gov. David A. Paterson and New York legislative leaders have reached an agreement to dismantle much of what remains of the state’s strict 1970s-era drug laws, once among the toughest in the nation.

The deal would repeal many of the mandatory minimum prison sentences now in place for lower-level drug felons, giving judges the authority to send first-time nonviolent offenders to treatment instead of prison.

The plan would also expand drug treatment programs and widen the reach of drug courts at a cost of at least $50 million.

Midwestern Medicine

The ground continues to shift.

The Lessons of Herbert (And George)

Herbert Hoover and his dismal reign are more instructive than ever nowadays. Conde Nast's Portfolio.com has an interesting review of a new Hoover bio, which is worth a few minutes of your time. After acknowledging the clear parallels between W. and Hoover, the author takes us through Hoover's earlier life, where we learn that he was once a competent if dour figure.

Fascinating tidbit:

Hoover’s middle career is one of the great little-known sagas of American history. Based in London at the outbreak of World War I, he set up relief efforts for starving Belgians and displayed a genius for organization. Celebrated for his achievements, he became the U.S.’s wartime “food czar,” prodding the citizenry to economize and dictating flour rations to bakers. He similarly helped war-stricken Austrians, Armenians, and sundry other European tribes—and later, even Bolshevik Russians.

By 1920, Hoover, 46, was an international hero, famed as “the great humanitarian.”

…

For most of the 1920s, Hoover served as commerce secretary, a backwater that he transformed into a pivotal federal bureau. Governing by fiat, he imposed his will on virtually every nook of American industry. He forced builders to adopt standard-size boards, and airports to install lights on landing strips. Without clear legal authority, he commanded firms to reduce their varieties of products from bedsprings to milk bottles. In 1927, when the Mississippi overran its banks and dislodged thousands of families, Hoover directed the rescue. The next year, he was elected president by a landslide.

Who knew?

Of course, the thrust of the article—and presumably the book—is the lesson to be drawn from both W and Hoover:

But the Hoover story does suggest a contemporary moral. Consistency in Washington is praiseworthy only when it yields a positive result; otherwise it devolves into rigidity and dogma. The tragedy of Hoover was not that he was wrong but that he refused to see it.

Schadenfreude 2009, I

The latest in a series of fuckups from RNC chairman and dead man walking, Michael Steele:

Steele In Serious Hot Water With Social Conservatives
Michael's Steele statement of support for an "individual choice" on abortion has provoked deep concern among social conservatives and spurred further speculation that his tenure at the RNC will be brief.

On Wednesday, the RNC Chair walked back a remark he made in an interview with GQ Magazine, declaring unequivocally: "I am pro-life, always have been, always will be." But even with the quick clarification, the damage was done.
…
Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee: "Comments attributed to Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele are very troubling and despite his clarification today the party stands to lose many of its members and a great deal of its support in the trenches of grassroots politics."

Roberta Combs, president of the Christian Coalition: "I'm a little surprised that Michael Steele, being the leader of the Republican Party, is at odds with the pro-life platform, the platform that conservative put in place... If this is his viewpoint, he has made it be known. I'm just surprised that the leader of the party is at odds with the pro-life platform."

Evangelical leader Lou Engle: "Steele's argument that abortion is a matter of "individual choice" is extremely disappointing, especially in light of past statements in which he promised to protect and defend human life. "Steele's remarks to GQ indicate that he may be confused about "choice" and the "law." The law is supposed to protect human life, not permit the taking of it. And, it can never be a "choice" for an individual to take a life."

This is just the best fucking time to be a liberal, eh?

Porcine Prevaricator Pens A Prickly Post

Ms. Maddow reminds me of the number 1 reason I'm relieved Hillary didn't win the Dem nomination. Two words: Mark Penn.

A House Deserted?

Now for some happier news…

The coming evangelical collapse
ONEIDA, KY. - We are on the verge – within 10 years – of a major collapse of evangelical Christianity. This breakdown will follow the deterioration of the mainline Protestant world and it will fundamentally alter the religious and cultural environment in the West.

Within two generations, evangelicalism will be a house deserted of half its occupants. (Between 25 and 35 percent of Americans today are Evangelicals.) In the "Protestant" 20th century, Evangelicals flourished. But they will soon be living in a very secular and religiously antagonistic 21st century.

This collapse will herald the arrival of an anti-Christian chapter of the post-Christian West. Intolerance of Christianity will rise to levels many of us have not believed possible in our lifetimes, and public policy will become hostile toward evangelical Christianity, seeing it as the opponent of the common good.

Millions of Evangelicals will quit. Thousands of ministries will end. Christian media will be reduced, if not eliminated. Many Christian schools will go into rapid decline. I'm convinced the grace and mission of God will reach to the ends of the earth. But the end of evangelicalism as we know it is close.

Dude, stop whispering sweet nothings in my ear. You're making me all weak in the knees.

Welcome To The Depression

Time to start a new series, this one chronicling the nascent depression.

Here is the link and video I've already posted on Facebook:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

And a cheerful post from The Moderate Voice.

Choice cut:

Longtime readers know that I have long thought a depression was inevitable for the US and the world in general because of the enormity of our debt.
…
Meanwhile, the country is seeing record home vacancies. “More than 14 million housing units are vacant. That number does not include an estimated 4.8 million seasonal or vacation homes, most of which are occupied part of the year.” This is completely insane.

And the financial system? It’s still as close to complete collapse as ever for the United States, and in worse shape in developing countries and Europe. I would be very surprised if we didn’t see sovereign bankruptcies (even Ireland and Spain are increasingly at risk) of rather important countries in the next year, bankruptcies that could potentially lock up the European and hence global financial system to the extent it was for a few days last fall — but this time for much longer. I have a feeling the tent cities are going to get a lot larger.

A little something from The UK's Daily Mail:

With America's economy in freefall and its housing market in crisis, California's state capital has become home to a tented city for the dispossessed.

Those who have lost their jobs and homes and have nowhere else to go are constructing makeshift shelters on the site, which covers several acres.
As many as 50 people a week are turning up and the authorities estimate that the tent city is now home to more than 1,200 people.
…
Foreclosure rates last year rocketed by 327 per cent, with up to 500 people a day losing their home.

And a slideshow from MSNBC.

Strap yourselves in, folks, it's going to be a bumpy-ass ride.

Good News?

The whole Kellogg's/Phelps fiasco has spawned new slang. 

We're All Pisces, Now!

Screw Christmas and Thanksgiving, we should have a major holiday honoring these newfound "ancestors":

Prehistoric Fish Pioneered Sex
LONDON, Feb 25 (Reuters) - Sex has been a fact of life for at least 380 million years, longer than previously thought.

Sex has been a fact of life for at least 380 million years.Internal fertilisation was widespread among prehistoric fish living on ancient tropical coral reefs in the Devonian period, research published in the journal Nature on Wednesday showed.

The discovery sheds new light on the reproductive history of all jawed vertebrates, including humans.

"It shifts how we think about how reproduction evolved. You're a jawed vertebrate and I'm a jawed vertebrate, so this is our own history," said Zerina Johanson, a palaeontologist at the Natural History Museum in London.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Throwing Limbaugh Under The Bus

Could we be witnessing the beginning of a new trend? For the good of the country, let's hope so.

Sanford Implies Rush Limbaugh Is An "Idiot"
ThinkProgress flags this line from an interview Real Clear Politics did with Republican Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina in which he calls Rush Limbaugh an idiot, albeit indirectly. Asked for his reaction to the idea that some conservatives, most notably Limbaugh, are hoping that Obama's presidency fails, Sanford replies (bold font is mine):

I don't want him to fail. Anybody who wants him to fail is an idiot, because it means we're all in trouble. But I do think, in that same vein, if you've looked at the pages of history, if you've looked at the pages of economic data that I've looked at over a long period of time -- I've got a masters in business from the University of Virginia, I've worked up in New York in finance -- if you've looked at that kind of stuff and you legitimately think that something ain't going to work, you'd be cheating him and cheating yourself if you didn't lay it out and call an ace an ace in terms of where you're coming from.

Sanford makes the distinction between legitimately believing a plan is not going to work and explaining your reasons why, and just openly rooting for a presidency to fail, as Limbaugh has, no matter what the cost to the nation.

It's too early to tell, of course. But wouldn't it be sweet if Limbaugh went the way of his role model Father Coughlin?

For That Porn Star Finish

Stumbled across this page from a men's health site:

Because, you know, we all need a bigger money shot.

Best News Of The Day

Kelloggs is feeling some pain from their inane, venal punishment of Michael Phelps.

Kelloggs Suffers
Good news, everyone! In an admittedly algorithmic-driven survey of positive and negative stories about the company, their handling of the Phelps issue did the brand some damage:

Out of the 5,600 company reputations Vanno monitors, Kellogg ranked ninth before it booted Phelps. Now it's ranked 83. Not even an industry-wide peanut scare inflicted as much damage on the food company's reputation.

The peanut scare was much less toxic for them. One step at a time ...

Anyone else smell an opening for General Foods or Post? 

Holy Shit!

I knew this was coming, but still, now that it's here...damn!

1.5 million books in your pocket
One of the great things about an iPhone or Android phone is being able to play Pacman while stuck in line at the post office. Sometimes though, we yearn for something more than just playing games or watching videos.

What if you could also access literature's greatest works, such as Emma and The Jungle Book, right from your phone? Or, some of the more obscure gems such as Mark Twain's hilarious travelogue, Roughing It? Today we are excited to announce the launch of a mobile version of Google Book Search, opening up over 1.5 million … public domain books in the US (and over half a million outside the US) for you to browse while buying your postage.

Wow.

A Doll's Sacrifice

watch more at aniBoom

Good Riddance

To bad rubbish. Apparently, someone still cares what our former vice-president has to say about the world. Interview courtesy of Politico.com.

Chioce cut:

Cheney warns of new attacks
Former Vice President Dick Cheney warned that there is a “high probability” that terrorists will attempt a catastrophic nuclear or biological attack in coming years, and said he fears the Obama administration’s policies will make it more likely the attempt will succeed.
…
The choice, he alleged, reflects a naive mindset among the new team in Washington: “The United States needs to be not so much loved as it needs to be respected. Sometimes, that requires us to take actions that generate controversy. I’m not at all sure that that’s what the Obama administration believes.” 

Thank god—really thank fucking god, allah, goddess, et al. and all that is right in the universe—that this tool is nowhere near the White House anymore. What a cretinous man.

Wet Dream, XI

Well, this is quickly becoming a regular feature. The way things look now, I'll be posting so many Wet Dreams that it may finally dawn on me that it's not a dream at all and that I'm actually having sex. (And, right there for all to see, is the moment when a metaphor gets stretched to its breaking point and twangs in the writer's face.)

Anyway...here's a very good analysis of the rise of the modern conservative era post-WWII and its concomitant 21st-century demise. It's a good, long read. Grab your cuppa and enjoy.

Choice cut: 

Conservatism Is Dead
An intellectual autopsy of the movement.
In the tumultuous history of postwar American conservatism, defeats have often contained the seeds of future victory. In 1954, the movement's first national tribune, Senator Joseph McCarthy, was checkmated by the Eisenhower administration and then "condemned" by his Senate colleagues. But the episode, and the passions it aroused, led to the founding of National Review, the movement's first serious political journal. Ten years later, the right's next leader, Barry Goldwater, suffered one of the most lopsided losses in election history. Yet the "draft Goldwater" campaign secured control of the GOP for movement conservatives. In 1976, the insurgent challenge by Goldwater's heir, Ronald Reagan, to incumbent president Gerald Ford was thwarted. But Reagan's crusade positioned him to win the presidency four years later and initiate the conservative "revolution" that remade our politics over the next quarter-century. In each instance, crushing defeat gave the movement new strength and pushed it further along the route to ultimate victory.

Today, the situation is much bleaker. After George W. Bush's two terms, conservatives must reckon with the consequences of a presidency that failed, in large part, because of its fervent commitment to movement ideology: the aggressively unilateralist foreign policy; the blind faith in a deregulated, Wall Street-centric market; the harshly punitive "culture war" waged against liberal "elites." That these precepts should have found their final, hapless defender in John McCain, who had resisted them for most of his long career, only confirms that movement doctrine retains an inflexible and suffocating grip on the GOP.

Wet Dream, X

The Wet Dream continues:

Poll: Republicans Want Party To Be Like Palin
A new Rasmussen poll further demonstrates that the GOP could be in for a long stretch in the wilderness: A majority of GOP voters now say that the party should be more like Sarah Palin.

The numbers: 55% of Republicans say the party should be like Palin, compared to 24% who say they should be like John McCain.

As I've previously noted, poll data like this could indicate that the Republican Party is getting ready to relive the classic cycle of ruling parties who get turned out of power in a landslide: With the party base itself shrunk down, the people who are still around are the most hard-line members, and are really the least fit people to fix the situation.

May they spend countless generations in the wilderness.

Uncut Travesty

Despite his better judgement, some jackass writing in The Daily Beast accedes to circumsizing his newborn son…because his wife is grossed out by uncut cocks. Then he's stupid enough to write about it. 

When my wife insisted we circumcise our son, I wondered why the little guy couldn’t just look like me. Then I began to re-evaluate our entire relationship with half the self-esteem and twice the paranoia.

I am an uncircumcised man.

This has never bothered my wife, Nicole. Or so I thought. “It’s like your penis is wearing a turtleneck,” she’d sometimes say, seemingly benignly.
As such, there was never any doubt in my mind that, should my wife and I ever produce a miniature me, he would also go uncircumcised. We would leave his little thing alone. No snip-snip, just like daddy.

Until, that is, the late-September day when we brought our newborn son home from the hospital. It was chilly, and the tightly wrapped baked potato of a boy felt warm in the crook of my arm.

“We’re getting Dalton circumcised,” my wife said as she fastened the potato into his car seat.

“What?” I said. “Since when does he need that?”

“Ever since uncircumcised penises are weird.”

She paused before adding, a little backpedally, “Except yours, of course. Yours is OK.”

This is how I learned my wife’s true feelings about the type of penis I have—by comparing it to our infant son’s. She thinks—has always thought—“OK.” I knew what “OK” meant, of course. “OK” meant weird, just like she’d said.

The author continues to paint a picture of two exceedingly superficial dolts who really had no business breeding. Sadly, their boy has  already paid his price for entry into their house. 

I tell you, in my perfect world, that couple would be frog marched down to the local mohel for a taste of their own medicine. Both of them. 

InauguPorn IX

InauguPorn VIII

InauguPorn VII

InauguPorn VI

InauguPorn V

InauguPorn IV

InauguPorn III

Team Obama

A pretty cool slideshow of the new power players in Washington, courtesy of New York Times Magazine. 

InauguPorn II

A satellite pic of the inauguration. Those swarms of ants are people gathered around jumbotrons. Click here for full size and better res.

InauguPorn I

A collection of front pages from around the world. 

A Fitting Send Off

B's Got The Biggest Of Them All

Bummed that you're not at the inaugural parties in DC like I am? AC/DC is here to ameliorate our disappointment. So in honor of the president's balls…

President Obama

He's in!

12 Hours And Counting…

The Team

Track the status of the new cabinet-to-be here.

Imminent Front

"The American Revolution did not end when British guns fell silent. It remains an ongoing struggle in the minds and hearts of the American people, to live up to our creed." —President-Elect Barack Obama

I Have A Dream Today

It's nearly impossible to be unmoved by this almost unbearably eloquent speech.

A sampling of the lesser known passages:

Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.
…
Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.
…
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And, of course, the climax:

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

Making Racists Squirm

Contra the spirit of unity which is pulsing through the country in anticipation of tomorrow's swearing in, I offer this little vignette courtesy of Ta-Nehisi and his wife. Enjoy the schadenfreude: 

From the annals of Ultra-Racial America
When I was kid, I always thought it was weird how much white racism, basically, revolved around keeping white women from having sex with black men. I'd be reading some book on black history, where people would be devoting [sic], say, the right of black people to vote. And, inevitably, some white segregationists would say something like "If we let them vote, they'll be marrying your daughters!!! And they'll take over the country!!!" And I think, "Whaaa??" Talk about your non-sequitur.

But then I was talking about this with Kenyatta this morning, and it all suddenly made sense. She nodded to Barack Obama and laughingly noted, "They were right."

President-Elect Obama

My god, I can't get enough of that phrase. Sends the tingle right up my leg… 

So, I'm sitting here on the couch skimming articles with the tv on in the background. A stupid show comes on, so I start surfing and come across a CSpan2/BookTV rerun of Obama speaking about his memoir in Nov. 2004. 

I start watching and notice that while his cadence is the same, his timbre is slightly different, less dramatic. 

Then I get hooked into what he saying. He's describing the overall themes of his book at great length in these long sentences with subordinate clauses and parenthetical asides. Suddenly, he shifts gears and starts talking about the basics of the book: his father, his upbringing, the story's structure. And I realize, here's this guy, a politician(!), who's just discussed his book on multiple levels and from different angles. And it was interesting. 

He then starts talking politics and his views on policy, our poisonous political discourse and assorted other things. Again multi-layered thinking, thoughtful language, long sentences. Surprisingly interesting content. 

During the Q & A, he gives equally thoughtful, and often funny, answers. His humor, by the way, is even drier than it is now. 

While he's signing books he takes the time to ask book owners their names and what they do, where are they from, etc. He looks them in the eyes and thanks them for being there. And there's not a trace of insincerity about the guy. He's respectful (especially of the elderly ones), kind, and unbelievably gracious. 

***

More times than I can count, he spoke of ideas and issues in such a way that had me wanting to video tape them and show everyone. I mean, he not only oozes authenticity, he has the right takes on things, and speaks our language.  I'm shaking my head wondering who the fuck is this guy? I mean, politicians don't speak and act this way. It's like he's one of us (but smarter)! Is this dude for real? 

And I'm thinking, how did this happen? How the hell did this country just elect this guy? How did a country that values thuggishness, watches American Idol, and elects Bush find the good sense or luck to elect a smart, caring, thoughtful, funny, liberal former law professor? 

What the fuck?!?

All I know is, I feel lucky, relieved, and proud that this guy is going to be our president. It's ridiculous, I know, but I am filled with joy at the prospect. 

Goodbye, Tara

We're two days away from the big day—the finest transfer of power in our lifetimes. In all likelihood, it's an event on the magnitude of Buchanan-to-Lincoln or Hoover-to-FDR. (Even as I read that last sentence I find myself torn between my sense of excitement and possibility and my wariness of grandiose pronouncements. And yet I leave it there because this is, by any objective measure, a big historical moment.) But before the celebrations end and the heavy lifting begins I thought I'd take some time to share a few thoughts about what's happening from my narrow historical perspective. 

We're about to be led as a nation by a man who is, among other things:

• African American (yes, we can stop right here, but I'll go on)

• an intellectual / constitutional scholar

• rooted in the liberal political tradition (albeit with a moderate/conservative temperament)

• a writer

• an urban dweller (the first non-"rural" president in nearly a century)

• isn't not afraid to speak extemporaneously and in complete sentences

• is politically shrewd 

• is emotionally intelligent

• is from the midwest / is not from the South/West

Think about that for a second. Just let it sink in. 

Now, all of that is great enough. And I don't want to take anything away from Obama and his/our victory. But we've had a smart, kinda liberal guy in the White House before. And we remember how that went. (In fairness, Clinton probably did the best he could given we were still in the thick of a conservative political era—not to mention his lack of discipline and sabotage-inducing appetites.)

What makes this moment doubly exciting is what else has gone on. This most recent conservative era that we've lived through—suffered under—has clearly come to an end and we're on the cusp of a new era in American politics (a period Michael Lind posits will be a Fourth Republic). 

In addition to being exciting for its own sake as a large historical event, it's amazing to me as a) a liberal, b) a coastal dweller from the midwest, c) a sane person. For the first time since I was a zygote, this country will not be dominated by Jacksonian, Southern culture and its retrograde mores. For the past 40 years or so Jacksonian politicians have controlled the levers of federal power and dominated the political playing field (even as they lost ground in popular culture, thank you, Hollywood*). Delay, Gingrich, Bush, Cheney, et al were merely the apotheosis (nadir?) of this virulent political strain. It's as if they took the old confederate mantra "the South will rise again" as a prime directive. 

And rise it did. But instead of a civil war they got elected (or not) and waged a culture war. We've lived with the repercussions since. 

And it has finally, finally played out. Ding, dong. The goddamn witch is dead.

****

All of which isn't to say we're entering a golden era of butterflies and rainbows and kumbaya. It's merely an opportunity. An opportunity to remake the country according to our highest visions, instead of complaining about the injustices caused by the other guys. Whether the opportunity is squandered or utilized remains to be seen.

Because power will be fought over as it always is. Nasty, evil shit will still happen in the country and the world. New factions and new divisions will form. Liberals will have to hold Obama's feet to the fire, lest countervailing pressures push him backwards. There will be failures alongside the wins.

We don't know what this new era will be called or what it will bring. But the emphasis and overall direction is shifting—has already shifted. And all of the energy and momentum right now is with progressive ideas and proposals. This is our moment. Let's enjoy it.

* Never thought I'd write those words.

Arrivederci, Toadies!

He's president until Tuesday, but the flunkies are gone as of today. Buh- bye.

It's over: Bush staffers make exits
The president will be the president until 12 noon Tuesday, but most of his employees will be gone by the close of business Friday.

They’ll turn in their BlackBerrys, laptops, building passes and gym keys.

And by the time the weekend is out — before the new administration can reverse course on waterboarding or SCHIP or anything else — teams of painters and carpet cleaners will have wiped away any hint that they ever set foot in the White House.

Oscar Grant RIP, II

Much cleaner video of the Oscar Grant shooting. Put that rent-a-cop in jail. 

Oscar Grant RIP

If you haven't seen this disturbing footage yet, you're sure to dozens of time in the next couple of days. Let's hope the offending cop gets sentenced with more than a slap on the wrist.

Hat tip: Ta-Nehisi over at The Atlantic

Arrogance + Corruption + Victim Mentality = Today's GOP

Example 15,786. I'd like to think he's kidding...

Three Stooges (or Not One Iota Of Taint)

So, it's not bad enough that the corrupt and unfortunately-named Gov. Blagojevich gets busted in a colossally arrogant and monumentally stupid game of pay to play. Now he decides to stick his finger in the eye of his fellow Dems by naming a successor to Obama's senate seat. This is obnoxious (and just dick-y) on many levels, but leave those aside for a second and chew on the amateurish quality of yesterday's announcement presser:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I had to double check to make sure this wasn't an SNL skit, it was so bad. How in the world did these bumbling clowns get elected in the first place? I'm embarrassed for their constituents.

Now, put aside their clumsy performance and ponder just what you heard: A corrupt, inept governor cloaking himself with the constitution and insisting we take his appointee seriously (as well as insisting on his innocence). His appointee stumbling and bumbling his way through non-answers to serious questions, and a colleague invoking god and playing the race card so blatantly, so brazenly, that one wonders about the old goat's medication.

I mean, can you believe that this guy Rush is actually daring senators to not accept Burris because he's black? In this, of all, years? That he still thinks that kind of shit will fly is evidence not only that the guy is shameless beyond measure, but that he's utterly out of touch. It's fucking disgusting.

This is embarrassing as hell to Democrats and is one reason why I change my party affiliation to Independent when they are in power. I'm proud to be a liberal (with libertarian leanings), but not interested in being in a party that's either supine or stupid (or both) depending on the hour. I'm hopeful that Obama's statement against Blago's action provides enough political cover for other Dems to ignore Rush's statement. But I'm not betting the farm.

Update: On a less serious note, if I were them, I wouldn't be flying the word "taint" around as much as they do.

Update II: Jeez, it just keeps going...

Well, as HuffPo's Jason Linkin writes: "That's the question that Roland Burris is raising, anyway!"

But wait, there's more from Congressman Rush:

A higher principle indeed.

Update III: The sweet, bumbling Burris has a fairly high opinion of himself. Cheesy with extra cheese on top.

Update IV: In the span of two weeks, Burris comes to see the higher principle that Rush brought to light:

Country In Flames

Incredible shots from the Greek riots, including one of 15-year-old Alexandros Grigoropoulos, the teenager whose fatal shooting by Athens policemen started it all. 

The Arrogant, Entitlement-Riddled, Undemocratic Stench Of Dynastic Politics

Back to politics already. I haven't had much to say lately, so forgive my sudden plunge back in the shark infested waters of national politics, but this whole Caroline Kennedy thing has me irked. Despite thinking of her exactly...never, before this year, I appreciated that she came out for Obama back in February and persuaded Teddy to endorse him as well. And I'm sure she's done plenty of good in her life. But why, why, should she be considered for appointment to a newly vacant senate seat? If she wants the seat, run for it, just like Hillary did. But to get it as an appointment?

This is nepotistic, dynastic politics taken to an absurd level. It's undemocratic, feels vaguely un-American, and sends a terrible message. I can't for the life of me understand why anyone thinks this is a good idea. 

I mean, okay, I understand that there is a mystique around the Kennedys that sways people, but still...c'mon. I just don't get it. 

Firstly, the clan just doesn't move me. I am just so over the Kennedys and the insufferable Boomer mythology around them, that I can barely stand to hear the name. I get that JFK was a huge figure and that Teddy has been an incredible lawmaker and stalwart liberal voice. But unless one of them is getting their hands dirty as public servants, I don't care about them. (And why would I, right?) Secondly, even if I was moved by their je ne sais quoi, I'd think this is a bad idea. It smacks of the entitlement—no, it is entitlement…in action. There are far more qualified pols (like Nita Lowry for one example) who have been in the trenches busting ass to get shit done. They have paid their dues and they have the legislative experience. Caroline has star power (apparently), but can she legislate? What does she bring to the table other than her family's name and the celebrity that comes along with it?

This is not a sign of a healthy republic and if it weren't for Obama's election, I'd be more worried than irritated. We've just had a once in a generation election—one which restored both a sense of possibility and confidence in the meritocratic ideals that are woven into the fabric of our collective story. Caroline Kennedy's appointment to Hilary's seat would fly in the face of both. It would undercut the raison d'etre of the campaign chosen by the American people, as well as the country's founding ideals. 

Whether Bushes, Kennedys, or any of the other political families out there, a pox on all their houses as long as they keep squeezing other, lesser-known, higher-qualified people out of the process. 

Their arrogance makes me sick.

Adventures In Baby Swinging

Getting off to a young start in alternative lifestyles? Nope. A weird new Internet phenom.

Oh Shit!

I'm responsible for a lot of dead kittens.

Silversun Pickups

I don't remember how, but I discovered this band earlier this year and fell in love with their song (and its cute, nostalgia-inducing video), "Lazy Eye." The band is from L.A. and has a sort of low-fi, indy sound. Lots of fuzzy guitars and distorted vocals. 

With a female bass player who shares vocals with a male front man, and the soft-loud-soft thing, they obviously invite comparisons to the Pixies. But they remind me more of Smashing Pumpkins or a poppier, more structured Sonic Youth. But never mind comparisons, they stand on their own. 

Anyway, if you're into that sort of thing, go to their website and check them out. I especially recommend the "Lazy Eye" video, but the video for "Kissing Families" is pretty cool, too. (I'd embed them, but they don't offer the option.)

Oh, Snap!

The inimitable Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) on the transition:

"[Obama's] going to have to be more assertive than he's been. At a time of great crisis with mortgage foreclosures and autos, he says we only have one president at a time. I'm afraid that overstates the number of presidents we have."

Pot Meet Kettle. Kettle, Pot.

This is rich: Disney accused by Catholic cleric of corrupting children's minds

Ahem.

Vote For My Big Daddy

Ewwwwwwwwwww!



Dude, watch where you put that hand!

Best. Phone. Ever.

It's hard to believe but someone's built a better all-in-one phone+ device than Apple. Go check out the Pomegranate…and be prepared to be impressed.

Some Blunt Advice

Screw Lonely Planet, here's the guide you really need when traveling abroad.

Guide to Smoking Pot Around the World
Despite the popularity of weed and hash, most governments in the world have deemed it harmful to the individual and society as a whole.

There are only 11 nations in the world where weed and hash have been decriminalized. A handful of countries impose mandatory prison sentences and other harsh punishments for the possession or sale of any form of weed and hash. Another handful look the other way when dealing with cannabis.

Some places that are easy on weed heads can be broken up by region:

Click here for the low down.