Thursday, May 8, 2008

An Ex-Parrot: The Clinton Spin Edition

A Pythonesque take on the primary race, from Rod Dreher.
A Democratic primary voter enters Clinton for President headquarters.
Voter: Hello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The man behind the counter does not respond.)

Voter: Hello, Miss?

Geoff Garin: What do you mean "miss"?

Voter: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Garin: We're closin' for lunch.

Voter: Never mind that, my boy. I wish to complain about this candidate what I voted for not two days ago.

GG : Oh yes, the, uh, the Hillary Clinton ...What's,uh...What's wrong with her?

Voter: I'll tell you what's wrong with her, my lad. Her campaign is dead, that's what's wrong with her!

GG: No, no, she's, uh,...she's resting.

Voter: Look, matey, I know a dead candidate when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

GG: No no she's not dead, she's, she's restin'! Remarkable bird, Hillary Clinton, idn't she? Beautiful plumage!

Voter: The plumage don't enter into it. Her presidential campaign is stone dead.

GG: Nononono, no, no! She's resting!

Voter (pointing to delegate-math statistics on CNN): Now that's what I call a dead candidate.

GG: No, no.....No, she's stunned!

Voter: STUNNED?!?

GG: Yeah! The voters stunned her, just as she was wakin' up! Hillary stuns easy, major.

Voter: look, mate, I've definitely had enough of this. That campaign is definitely deceased, and when I voted for Mrs. Clinton not two days ago, you assured me that her total lack of movement was due to her bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

GG: Well, she's...she's, ah...probably pining for Yankee Stadium. She's a big Yanks fan, you know.

Voter: PININ' for YANKEE STADIUM?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did she fall flat on her back on Tuesday night?

GG: Hillary Clinton prefers keepin' on her back! She's a fighter, an underdog. Remarkable bird, id'nt she, squire? Lovely plumage!

Voter: She's not pinin'! She's passed on! Her campaign is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If Hillary Clinton hadn't nailed herself to the Democratic Party perch she'd be pushing up the daisies! This campaign's metabolic processes are now history! She's off the twig! She's kicked the bucket, she's shuffled off her mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE!!
And the original:

No comments: