Tuesday, May 13, 2008

My Virgin Experience

No, not a creepy story of ephebophilia or a tedious memoir of my sexual deflowering. I just had my first brush with political vandalism. 

As I got into my car this morning to go the coffee shop I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the metal frame which had held my Obama yard sign was strangely naked. It took a second to sink in that it was missing. Thinking we may have had an unusually windy storm last night, I looked around the yard, but could find it nowhere. Then it hit me that some bastard had stolen it. I looked around my block and every single Obama sign suffered the same fate. It was a graveyard of political expression, with the frames acting as surrogate headstones. 

My first response was anger. Fuckin' asshole lame-ass motherfuckering fucks! $%@*($!&&()*&! I cursed my way to the coffee shop.

Then I realized something: this was the action of a loser. Someone who feels secure in their candidate's chances in all likelihood wouldn't feel the need to stifle their opponent's supporters. I mean, I suffer every time I see one of those poorly designed Hillary signs, but I've never succumbed to the fleeting temptation to whisk them from my sight and alleviate my pain. 

So, if it makes the sad and pathetic lowlife who stole my and my neighbors' property feel better, huzzah to them. It's a reflection of how much strength Obama has and how weak his opponent is. And it's a sad commentary on the civic responsibility of Hillary's increasingly desperate and angry fans. 

P.S. Oh, why am I assuming it was a Hillary supporter and not McCain? Well, first off, this is Ashland. If there's a McCain supporter around, I haven't seen any evidence. Secondly, the Hillary signs—what small amount there are—were conspicuously left intact. 

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